This interview was guest-written by Chris Marlton.
Whether you’ve seen her on Melbourne Comedy Festival Galas, The Project or most recently on Guy Montgomery’s Guy Mont-Spelling Bee, Kirsty Webeck is fast becoming known as one of our funniest and friendliest comedians. Selling out shows across the country, releasing specials on YouTube, and still making time to return to her roots in Canberra for an encore of her critically acclaimed latest hour of comedy in early September. Chris Marlton, who may well be the worst journalist in Australia, recently caught up with Kirsty to have a bit of a yarn about comedy, the ocean and coming from the best home town on earth.
Chris Marlton: Your latest show, ‘Everything I Need To Say About Sea Creatures’ which you’re bringing to the Street Theatre on Friday 5 September is the kind of show you might expect from someone who grew up at a beach, or in a submarine. As someone who grew up in Canberra, did the distance from the coast create a fascination with the sea and everything in it, or did that come after you moved away?
Kirsty Webeck: I actually spent a lot of time at the coast as a child. I had relatives who lived on the NSW south coast and we visited them a fair bit. Then once we started driving, my friends and I used to go down to Batemans Bay and surrounds pretty often. If anything, I think the distance from the coast growing up created a skewed perception of what a short drive is. I still love telling people Canberra’s not that far from the coast and it still raises eyebrows. I grew up fascinated by the ocean, though! It’s as mysterious as space to me but more accessible both physically (unless you’re Katy Perry) and intellectually. I’ll die not understanding light years.
CM: With a string of sold out shows here over the past few years, is there something special about performing in your home town?
KW: There’s something incredibly special about performing in Canberra. I don’t know a huge amount of people there anymore but Canberrans still really get around me. They know I’m from there and they love supporting someone with local roots. It doesn’t hurt that whenever I’m in town I get to cut some laps of the bridge to bridge and cruise around The Old Bus Depot Markets.
CM: I won’t ask you to rank your favourite major cities to perform in Australia from 1 to 10… but I am wondering, if all the major cities in Australia were Sea Creatures, what would they be and why?
KW:
- Sydney: blue-ringed octopus – beautiful but deadly if you need to get anywhere
- Melbourne: the dolphin – super fun but if you don’t set boundaries it’ll wear you out
- Perth: peacock mantis shrimp – both prized for its attractiveness and considered by others to be a dangerous pest
- Darwin: Irukandji jellyfish – if you get too close, can cause a spike in body temperature
- Adelaide: whale shark – decent size but docile in nature
- Brisbane: stone fish – camouflaged as a regular city but if you walk around on a footy night it can inflict a very painful sting
- Gold Coast: jellyfish – more active at night, uses lights to attract prey
- and Canberra: leafy sea-dragon – undeniably beautiful while being slow paced.
CM: Would you rather be best friends with a Hermit Crab or a Seahorse?
KW: Tough. They both rule. Hermit crabs are actually quite social and they prefer shells that have already been used by another hermit crab. That appeals to my love of op shopping. Sea horses, however, are sea creatures that can barely swim. A sick evolutionary prank. They’re destined to a life in the water, yet the reason you usually see them photographed holding onto seaweed or marine debris is that they need the assistance. I’m going to say I’d rather be best friends with a seahorse because I love an underdog.
CM: You’ve famously derided Trifles as the worst dessert in the world. Is that still your opinion, or have you come around to the custard, jelly and stale cake soaked in alcohol delight in recent years?
KW: No, I haven’t come around to it and I can’t believe you’d even bring it up, I was having a lovely day. There is absolutely no excuse for tossing all those ingredients into a bowl together to create a soggy abomination.
CM: Who are your favourite three comedians to watch and why?
KW: Whoever the other acts are on the show I’m doing that night. I love watching comedians at work. Even if their material isn’t really my cup of tea, I love seeing how they approach it, what skills they have, how they get their ideas across to a roomful of strangers. It’s one of the biggest perks of the job – getting to watch other acts whenever you do a lineup show.
CM: What are your favourite three Sea Creatures to watch when you go to an Aquarium? Are you pro-aquarium? Do you have a fish tank at home?
KW: I’m not a huge aquarium person and I don’t have my own tank. I love seeing sea creatures in the wild. I had the huge privilege of going swimming with whale sharks and manta rays in Ningaloo Reef a few weeks ago. Was one of those all time life defining moments, mostly because I was so impressed I managed to flop on and off the boat repeatedly without incident (I’m famously clumsy). I go whale watching every year. Either on a boat or just from a great vantage point, like when I’m doing my tour shows in Newcastle. I also live by the bay in Melbourne and I love spotting dolphins out there.
CM: Do you take fish oil tablets?
KW: I don’t. I’m a vegetarian, so I prefer the fish oil inside the fish’ bodies.
CM: Do you believe goldfish have 3 second memories? Do you ever feel like your memory is getting worse? or better?
KW: I do believe that. I introduced myself to a goldfish once and moments later it was looking at me blankly as though we hadn’t already established a friendship. My memory is absolutely getting worse. A lot of valuable life skills have been replaced with snippets of trivia about sea creatures.
CM: You’ve been touring across Australia, do you have plans to hit up England, Scotland, Ireland and surrounds any time soon?
KW: No. Only Wales 😉🐳.
CM: Do you believe goldfish have 3 second memories? Do you ever feel like your memory is getting worse? or better?
KW: Wait? Didn’t I just answer this question?
CM: What’s your favourite thing about being a comedian, and what’s one thing you would change about it if you could?
KW: Making people laugh and travelling are my two favourite things. If I could change one thing, I’d want microphone stands to be standardised so I’m not fighting for my life trying to lower or raise them. I just need to make it a bit taller while casually chatting to the audience. I don’t want to be making my opening joke while trying to crack the DaVinci Code so the stand is the right height.
CM:Nintendo, XBOX or Playstation? And top 5 favourite games of all time?
KW: Nintendo – it’s the only one I have any knowledge of. I’m a bad gamer, in that, I’m not one. I have a Switch that I bought for travelling and I mostly play Mario Kart. I have Zelda, too, but I’ve never been able to get past the literal beginning of the game. My partner brings it up all the time. “Google it. Ask a friend for help. How can you not START the game.” I don’t want to cheat. I’d rather work it out myself or die having never gotten past the first hurdle. So Mario Kart is my top 1-5. Hopefully Zelda will be in there one day but I would advise against holding your breath.
CM: Who’s a better dunker, Vince Carter or Dominique Wilkins?
KW: Vince Carter’s got to win that one for bringing a bit of the old razzle dazzle to dunking.
CM: Thoughts on the NBL bringing back the Canberra Cannons? And should the league return to being a Winter sport?
KW: Absolutely bring back the Canberra Cannons! Ooft making it a winter sport again has given me goosebumps remembering freezing to death every Saturday morning in the tin shed in Woden and Tuggeranong playing for the Weston Creek/Woden Dodgers. It’s a hard sell in a stadium in winter.
CM: Where are you hoping to be five years from now?
KW: In a cold Canberra basketball stadium watching the Canberra Cannons. Nah. Still touring shows. Hopefully doing more international stuff. Playing bigger venues. Spreading the cheer. Living the dream.
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Grab your tickets now to see the hilarious Kirsty Webeck at the Street Theatre on Friday 5 September from the Street Theatre website. And make sure you follow Kirsty on all her social media and check our her latest special on YouTube.
Chris Marlton is a comedian, writer, painter, film-maker and philanthropist. See www.linktree/ChrisMarlton for video and live shows.
